"Self Dumping"

"19 years lived together, never been separated, never thought I could be so tough."

When anybody asks my mother, or my father, what kind a children I am, their answers are gonna be absolutely similar : she is spoiled, childish, immature, dependent girl. That is why when I told them I would continue my study in Jogja, their expressions were like this:

Never crossed my mind to live in different town, island, separated by time and distance miles away from my family. I couldn't live without asking my mother where my clothes were, without asking my father to drop me somewhere, without asking my little sister - Abing - to take something for me. Then? I didn't know where the hell idea to live wandered comes from.

I got two years to think, hard think, before decided to continue study in college or not. Somehow, "senior high school business" made me too busy to think about my decision. I was too busy of hung out with my friends, too busy on having dates, and a bit busy of doing tasks and assignments. 

Time flew too fast. I stepped the third year of senior high school, and my father started to keep asking, "Have you decided what university you will take?" Oh, Dad, come on! I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want you to be stressed of missing me. My father's face suddenly turned into poker face, and I knew he really wanted me to "leave the house". 

On the second semester of third grade, I became doubtful weather I would go to university or applied for a job. Oh, are you confused why I wanted to apply a job after graduating from high school? Alright, I get that. I know there is so little good job for senior-high-school-graduated-people. But, I studied in a vocational high school, where the school has some majors and the students not only learn theory but also get the skill of the major they take. Usually, on the last year before the students graduate, there are so many job vacancies which are offered to the students. That thing happened to me. Before I graduated, there were so many job vacancies were offered, and my plan to continue to university collapse slowly. 

My father asked me again about the university thing. When I answered him that I wanted to apply for a job for a year, his face was like this :

After that he talked so long, and asked me to continue my study. "You'll get the job you want after you finish the study," he said. What I could say was, "Oke". 

Some next days, he asked me again what university I would take, and I answered it  firmly and surely: UGM. His face first like this:

After five minutes thinking and got the point that I had decided to go to UGM, his face turned like this:

And my mother's was like this:

They didn't think that I would take a far-from-home-university. Balikpapan-Yogyakarta are placed in different province, different island. They thought I would take a near-from-home-university and perhaps UGM never crossed into their minds.

"Why UGM?
Why Yogyakarta?
It is so far from home you know?"
I can read those lines on my Mom's face.

I wonder to my self, why Yogya? I fell in love with it, before I ever came to it. Somehow, I had had my decision. "Yogya, I'll come to you," I said.

After I got my decision, I started to look for information how to register for the test. Surfed in UGM's website, noted things that should be prepared, and started the business of registering to be the students of UGM. I prepared the register things by myself. My school didn't give any help for the students. They gave little support for students to face the national final exam, so I'd known I couldn't expect them so much to help for the registering process.

Things had done. I had been registered as test participant for UGM. I knew that but I didn't prepare anything to face the test. I still hung out, go to the movies, gossiped with friends a couple days before the test. The night before the test, I realized, tomorrow the test would be held! And I got nothing. So I went to book store, tried to find an IQ test book that can help me to study.

The day of the test had come. I went to the place of the test with my two other friends. When we were in the  test place, we saw a lot of students who came in their teachers company. Their faces are looked so ready to face the test. My friends and I? Our face were such like this:

However, we should came in to the test room and answer questions. I was separated with my other two friends. I came in to the room, looking to other test participants, and I..... didn't know anybody. But I kept being cool. I sat down on my set chair and wait for question sheets came on my table.

The test was divided into two sessions, first session was IQ test, the second was the test of Mathematics and English Basic. IQ test ran slow but sure, but when Mathematics and English Basic test ran, things I did was flipping the sheets, read the questions quickly, closed the sheets, put it in the corner of the  table, closed eyes and made black bullets on the answer sheet randomly.

After the test ended, I tried to forget if I had just followed a test for UGM. I forgot about it and I didn't want to remember about it - at all! A week later, a friend of mine from junior high school sent me a message that asked me about the result. Oke, she reminded me about the test! I said I didn't know the result, I've forgotten about the test, but she insisted me to check it up. I had no strength to see the result so I asked her to check it for me. She asked me my test number. The number was written on the test card, and I thought I had thrown it to the trash! OMG! I looked for it inside bags, rooms, files, and I found it after I turned my bedroom into "exploded ship". I sent the number, after five minutes my cell phone vibrated and I knew it was her! Telling me about the result.

I opened her message but closed my phone screen. I opened my hand slowly, and read her message:
"You're accepted, Dear. Congratulation."

I set my poker face. My mother asked me, "How is it?" I said "I'm accepted, Mom." Still in my poker face. 10 minutes left, I screamed, "MOM, I AM ACCEPTED!"

I was so happy knowing I was accepted in UGM. It felt so impossible after I did the test, ha ha ha. After passed the test, I was so busy preparing the stuffs for moving to "Yogyakerdaah". Passing time so happy, enjoyed the national final test, enjoyed time after graduation, until one week before taking off to Yogya.

Felt like waking up after slapped by elephant's trunk. I'd just realized that I would go leaving my parents, sister, families, friends. The atmosphere suddenly turned into blue. I'd also just realized that I should live independently, remembering I had no one in Yogya. Oh my.. I thought I would surrender on the half way.

However, God has set everything which He thinks the best for His people. I believe, He set the best for me too, and I had proved it. I never thought I could be so tough. Finally? I tamed the life. I'd done everything by my self, I live my life by myself, and I am happy.